Thursday, March 24, 2011

Tee Gee Eye Eff...

It's just been 'one of those weeks'. Things were really sketchy for me at work. It's not that I don't like my job - I really do love my job - I just don't like the routine, mundane, patient after patient registration part of my job. Knowing this my boss goes out of her way to move me around to other sites, offer me projects to keep me busy and new side jobs. I'm thankful for the time I spend preregistering patients for future mobile trips. I'm thrilled to go on the road with the mobile crew and translate. Sitting day after day in the office is just not cutting the mustard and I either have to find a job (more hours are fine) with variety and the ability to utilize more of my atrophing skills or see if I get reassigned at my current position for fewer hours.

I have this other inner struggle... I'm 50 years old. I should be working to build up my retirement. Honestly I'd prefer more days open to spend with my husband doing the things we enjoy doing - maybe a routine at the Y, enjoying our yard in the evenings, weekends NOT spent running with "have to do's". If I keep my feet in the door I could always step up to something later on... Time to sort out the pros and cons.

With this said, this 40 hour part-time week was not my best. Mike was, as always, ever supportive. He knows how I feel. He understands. He encourages me to think about something - anything - else. Maybe it's not too late to rekindle my creative streak, long put to rest, and write some short stories. Mike knows I'm not interested in going back to school just to have a Bachelor's degree. If I were going to spend the money to go back to school it would be for a photography degree. I've researched this and so far as I can tell it will require a geographical move. Perhaps I'll be able to find someone skilled/trained as a photographer who would be willing to work with me - until I reach the skill level I desire to take the step out on my own.

The resume is updated. Time will tell what the Big Guy has in store for me.

Saturday, March 19, 2011

The Truth...

"You could bend it and twist it... You can misuse it and abuse it... But even God cannot change the Truth." - Michael Levy

Truth isn't always what you believe.

When you hear half-truths for so long you start to believe them. You can be told the same thing over and over, tearing away at the reality of what you know to be true, but eventually it's easier to believe the half-truth than to face reality or ask a difficult question.

Sometimes you can be afraid to look at the truth. It is right in front of you. It's obvious. It's the elephant in the room. Isn't it time to open your eyes.

If you hold on to a hurt for too long it will feel like the truth. Why insist on keeping the hurt so close. If you let it go, the truth will reveal itself. Who knows? You might even let go of the bitterness which has poisoned your heart.

Your heart will always know the truth even if you won't ask.