New Year...

For the seventeenhundredth day in a row the temperatures are below 20 degrees and I'm struggling to get motivated, be motivated, remain motivated...  It's tough when it feels ambitious to wrap up in a blanket take a nap.

Our Christmas present to ourselves was a treadmill.  We haven't taken advantage of our membership at the YMCA like we should (reality...  we could probably count the number of times we've been to the Y to work out on one hand.)  I'm not ready to walk completely away from the Y.  It's my goal to start Mondays and Wednesdays in February for Yoga class and WHEN (see that small light of optimisim) it finally warms again I'll return to swim laps.

We very astutely measured  in advance to know what the footprint of the new treadmill was and were insightful enough to know where we wanted to place said treadmill.  (Reality... once put together it takes up a LOT of air space in the room.)

Nonetheless, after some creative rearranging of furniture between rooms we are up and operational.  (Reality...  I now have another project on my "to do" list - Painting!) 

So not to be excluded from the masses who have now made resolutions to change their weight and fitness I'm continuing on my 3 year plan.  A year ago we joined WW and started dieting.  I was very lacking when it came to exercising.  We had a ton of projects to prepare for last year's wedding.  The Fall months that followed were definitely a decline.  I can live with where I am starting 2013.  My head is on straight.  My food tracking is a habit once more.  AND I'm execising.

So evenings I find myself finding a much-viewed TV sit-com to mute and hook up my iPOD in my ears (or the fancy speaker system on the treadmill).  Don't ask - I'm not sure WHY I want the picture to go with my music but it works for me!

I walk - and walk - and walk.  Our multi-faceted machine does all sorts of mapping and programs.  I'm struggling with a calorie burner but it's exactly where I want to be - walking fast and then a short interval at a run.  Sadly I still walk faster than I run. 

When my mind starts to wander or I feel defeated I check out my view.  I see the cross on the mantle reminding me to have faith and give up my doubts to God for strength.  I look around at the framed pictures on the shelves and see the faces of our family members.  And I walk - and walk - and walk.

Sometimes the conversation in my head gets jumbled. 

(Dilusional Me):  Pushing buttons on the monitor. I think I'll try for a 45 minute work out tonight.

(Reality):  Five minutes in... Holy Crap I think the timer on this thing is broken.

(Dilusional Me): Look at me - I am using my hand weights, the belt is inclined and my speed is not a crawl.

(Reality): I'm DYING! Slow this thing down.  I can't get my breath...  where was that arrow to decrease the speed.

(Dilusional Me):  I don't understand why those folks on Biggest Loser want to hold on the front all the time.

(Reality):  Grasping on hand rails for dear life...

(Dilusional Me):  I think I'll walk through the entire hour of my favorite TV show.

(Reality):  When is the next commercial?  I want to stop and go sit on the sofa in the other room.

Hang in there folks.  We can do this!

Getting into (Apple/Pear/Hourglass) Shape...

Recent developments (Weight Watchers) brought me to our closet door.  I decided it was time to clear it out and reorganize.  I pulled everything off the shelves and emptied the poles, piling it all in our room.   I looked at the stack of boots and quickly covered them with Mike's shoes to minimize the appearance of shoes that fit my feet. (I wonder if there is a 12-Step program for boots?  If so I should leave the literature for my sister...)

After wiping down shelves and mopping the floor I carefully contemplated what went back into the closet.  Clothes and shoes I no longer wear or no longer fit went into a pile in the hall.  I definitely put some thought into what I kept and felt really good about the enormous donation stack collected from both Mike and myself. 

Having done this I easily had no problem with spending one day this weekend playing.  Saturday was another day of College football in our household and the first crystal clear day we've had in a long, long time.  I headed out with my camera and new 50mm lens, determined to find some Fall colors.  Along my way I found myself making a brief stop at the Outlet Mall to look for a particular style of Wrangler jeans preferred by my hubby.  Admittedly I've whined about mentioned previously I am NOT a shopper, but I decided to check out Eddie Bauer since I was "in the area". 

The clerk quickly asked if she could help.  I told her I was in between sizes and planning to order a couple pairs on line where I could find the Tall sizes but wanted to see how close I was to the smaller size of jeans.  She assured me Eddie Bauer had Long sizes - she wore them.  We were about the same heights and size so I figured what the heck... 

Eddie Bauer offers different "figure styles"...  straight, slightly curvy and curvy. I told her what sizes I wanted to compare and which style.  She proceeded to hand me two pairs of the slightly curvy.  Then looked at me and said "you are a lot hippier than I am so you should try the curvy too"...  ok so even at my heaviest weight I haven't had curves.  I'm not hippy.  Of all the shapes I'd be more apple than pear or hour glass. 

As I took the jeans I managed to keep a straight face and headed for the changing room.  The first pair in my current/old size went on without bothering with the zipper or snap.  The second pair fit well though tighter than I've been accustomed.  The "curvy" pair in the smaller size went on and I laughed out loud.  I'm SO not a "Curvy Fit".  I looked like I had riding pants worn by Canadian Mounties...  I could have put both fists into the pouches that hung off my legs. 

After I emerged from the changing room the very enthusiastic clerk, certain she had a sale, was disappointed when I thanked her for her help and said the smaller size worked best in the slightly curvy but they were too short.  She asked about the curvy jeans.  I told her honestly they were too large through the hips.  She told said "hmm that surprises me..."

So yesterday I sat at the sewing machine and resized my current jeans.  It's a done deal.  No going back.  I've been struggling with my focus the past couple of months, finding it difficult to increase my activity level and burn more calories. There is no where to go but DOWN! 

The Numbers Game

Today is Saturday.  This means I've spent another week on 'The Program'.  It's not a 12-step program.  In fact it's a life-long commitment to better living.

In 2010 I decided it was time to make some changes for the better.  I started by reminding myself I can't change that which I have no control. My Mantra.  In other words, stop worrying about what others in your life are doing or thinking and do what's best for your and your family.  It does no good to sit and hope someone will like you because you want them to and you've been around forever when in fact their actions say different. I can only do so much from this end and I'm tired of the silence. Their loss.

I also decided it was time to shed some El-Be's.  I started exercising, even making it up to a 30-45 run (hey I'm so NOT a runner) on a treadmill inclined...  until I did something to the ligament in my foot and had to have surgery.  I nursed it way longer than I should -  I felt I had a great excuse and psychologically I couldn't get past it.  It was all me.  And I gained 20 of the 35 lbs I lost.

I tried Weight Watchers on line last year to prepare for our daughter's wedding and quite frankly it was VERY apparent I require a tad more accountability.  As I adjusted to a new work schedule and longer days when I worked, I found I had yet another excuse for not doing what I wanted.  I made a slight effort but failed at accomplishing anything remarkable.

This year in January I tried heading back over to the Y to work out - me and 60,000 (a slight exageration) others who made a New Years Resolution to work out.  Very discouraged I left and vowed to return...  later.  In February I was speaking to a coworker about losing weight.  I saw where Weight Watchers was having a special rate.  I learned there are several from our department who are attending Weight Watchers.  I made a decision to join that first week.  And announced it - THERE I said it.

I began my journey topping out at a number I couldn't believe.  Surely someone with a horrible sense of humor had set a cement block behind me.  Nope - what was behind me was ALL me! 

Counting points is a task for the meticulous and therefore I do well.  Everything I eat gets tracked.  I use their website and phone apps. Planning ahead helps to know what to eat and be prepared.  I am a list maker and organizer so this all falls right into my lifestyle.  I find myself eating breakfast which I never did before.  Lunch can be a challenge on work days but since I am not inclined to eat the cafeteria food (even their "Healthy choice Happy Meals") I usually dish up a portion of last night's dinner.  Dinner is sometimes a challenge.  Variety.  Planning is not Mike's strong suit so on days when I work I try to come up with something he can easily put together and still not break the "point bank".  We've even found some lower point meals which we can enjoy on our date nights.

Mike wanted to tag along on this journey.  Thankfully.  We signed him up for the on-line Weight Watchers.  It's less expensive and he doesn't weigh in at meetings.  He has access to all of the on-line and Smart phone tools.  Naturally, as men are over-achievers, he is doing great and dropping pounds faster than me.  Where he's noticed is his belt.  He's had to add four new notches and a belt IS a requirement!  Healthwise he is off several of his prescription meds. 

So where is my rambling headed... 

Today I stepped on the scale very apprehensively.  Last week my weight went up a 6/10's of a pound.  I am always naughty and weigh in at home to compare.  I didn't like what I saw this week at home and reluctantly left the house.  This week I lost 2.4 lbs.  My second strong week of no cheating, walking 4 nights, working in the yard and making the right food choices for meals.  I saw numbers on the scale which I haven't seen in YEARS!  I'm sooo close to my goal for my first 10% before we leave on our vacation - and believe I might even make my second goal of 10lbs before Krieg and Karissa's wedding in August.  Wow.  I said that outloud. 

This is a journey.  It started because I have one more opportunity to NOT be the fat momma at our youngest child's wedding.  Well, that and my decision to change my way of living.  I've brought my best friend with me, and my folks in Wisconsin are also following the Weight Watchers program.   Even Ethel in Georgia found out her health insurance will help cover the monthly dues and signed up.  When I'm struggling at work my coworkers nudge me along.  I'm so proud of us all.

I still have to remind myself not to get upset about the things I have no control over. Sometimes an energetic playlist on the iPod and some fresh air is a great cure. I'm definitely healthier.  I hope to lower my blood pressure meds over time.  My cholesterol has improved.  My energy has skyrocketed (I went from slug to catepillar...).  I even bought some clothes a size smaller. 

Today as a reminder I tried on my dress for the wedding.  It fits better than it did in May.  I'm definitely heading in the right direction - I'm moving forward (with so many things...)!