Change

One thing holds true in our family - change - and our steadfast strength and ability to adapt to said change is what enables our family to be who we are. This week was no different.

Tuesday afternoon Krieg is working at his job packing and moving folks. He gets a call from his cousin Ric. "Hey one of our crew isn't coming to work - want to come to Alaska for a couple of months?". Yeah right...

Ric is five years older than Krieg and they grew up in Oregon and Wisconsin respectively . Two different ways of life - with only one real visit and yet when they met last summer for a week at the ocean, my theory on nature vs nurture held true.

Krieg isn't one to make sudden, rash decisions. He has to ponder and deliberate. Calls were exchanged between his family and Alaska in addition to his former lacrosse coach and mentor, as well as the anticipated grueling run to clear the mind but by 10pm  Krieg made the choice to go to Alaska to work on a fishing boat AND the boat Captain had purchased an airline ticket to leave Friday morning.

Wednesday was a long, last day for Krieg packing and moving up a large household. His boss was very understanding about the reasons for Krieg leaving without proper notice and even offered him work if Krieg came back to Moscow before school started.

Dad and Mom headed out armed with a packing list Wednesday afternoon. We managed to find out-of-season rain gear, boots and thermals for a giant. What luck! All with a minimal amount of driving around thanks to our advance recon! Time was of the essence.

Thursday Krieg drove the six hours south to Boise (after an evening of Apples to Apples with sister and friends) arriving late afternoon. I got off work and dashed to the store for dinner supplies and a digital camera (no family member of mine is going to miss a photo op!). We were able to get a dinner together sharing with Matt, Brit, Taten and friends.

Later Krieg decided to check out the camera only to discover the box was EMPTY! I won't go into detail of the expressive discussion I had regarding what I wanted to do to certain store personnel. My 'guys' assured me it would be resolved in the morning and Krieg proceeded to pack two months of gear into his duffle and backpack.

While choosing some of his gear he picked a red & white stocking cap from our winter storage - one knit by Denie years ago. He was happy it would cover his 'noodle'. I voiced my concern about wearing something that would make him stand out and he said since he was the 'Greenhorn' he'd just give them something to work with. Matt and his Dad went on about how it would show up great on the top of the ocean if Krieg fell in - he'd look like a fish bobber popping up and down - and if the red cap went under they'd think he had a nibble... and THEN they wanted to watch a few episodes of Deadliest Catch. Give me a break!

Friday morning Matt was off and made it here for breakfast before he, Krieg and I took off for the airport. Mike headed to meet the opening store staff for the camera exchange. We got Krieg checked in for his flight and Mike met us outside of Security before Krieg passed thru.

Krieg's first impression of Sitka, Alaska included a bald eagle flying overhead. He shared a beautiful view of the harbor.

The Captain and crew of 4 will head out in the morning on their first fishing expedition. Mike and Matt are envious. I am handling the fretting and worry. This is an incredible opportunity for a young, single man to work hard, earn great money for college, experience a new life style and see a part of the world he may otherwise have only visited if he were lucky. I am dreaming about being lost at sea, ship wrecks and George Clooney (ok so it's not all bad!)

It's been a whirlwind week. From moving boxes on Tuesday to fishing nets on Friday! Krieg has great cell service so we'll be able to keep in touch when they are in port. Erin is not out of range and Matt, Brit and Taten are close by.

Life goes on... and I sit here and wait for the next change in plans!

Women's Healthcare

I recently participated in an annual health care event. Upon my arrival I looked to the registrar for reassurance. I nervously laugh when the elderly woman near by informs us 'the girls are ready for their close up'.

I shared my personal information while she used her best soothing voice and flashed a comforting smile to calm my queasy nerves - before shuffling this unsuspecting female off to a maze of hallways and endless rooms - to be groped and compressed... the dreaded mammogram. A necessary evil part of women's health care.

Mid-30 year old women swing their tiny hips into the office for their 'base line' as directed by their trusted physician. The appointment is squeezed between their massage and tennis lessons. Easy enough - they won't be back for another five or six years... after there is a small bon fire on their birthday pastry. They flash a whitened smile, flip their perfectly coiffed hair and move on to their next mani-pedi appointment.

The annual visit begins after 40 years. These women are older, jaded and could care less about traipsing around in a less-than-adequate pink gown. No padding, support or underwire is available to assist vanity at this point. You can no longer tuck the excess mammary glands into your waistband to cover up the sag. No more pretending.

First there is the physical exam. Sitting with your arms up over your head while a nurse seeks out visual imperfections. Any unoccupied staff is called in for a consultation and - excuse me - but are the muffled giggles really necessary. Point and laugh out loud and get it over with! Your arms are quaking and all of the blood has dropped from your hands which now feel like they are being stuck be needles. Feel the burn...

At last - a chance to lay down - shake the feeling back into your arms. You can exhale the breath you've been holding to make your weakened stomach look somewhat normal. This same nurse has successfully managed to substitute the fluid in her hands for ice water and commences 'feeling' for trouble spots. Across, over, up, down, circles, lines, in, out - repeat. You have a bad flashback to that awkward date a bizillion years ago!

You convince the nurse you are diligently doing the same procedure on yourself every month while showering just like the guide recommends. Some are even able to say it with a straight face. If there is a fibroid or cyst the session will start over while the left and right sides are compared - they should be mirrored.

Finally a chance to sit by yourself and contemplate, usually in a highly air conditioned room on a cold vinyl seat. Suddenly a young 20-something mammography tech bounces into the room, pony tail flipping behind her, to tell you 'come on down' in her favorite game show host impression.

Now the fun begins. You are situated to stand in front of a streamline pole with paddles set at multiple angles. You are required to stretch on the tips of your toes because the tech hasn't noticed you aren't quite as tall as the person who was just before you. You reach your arm across the paddle, grasp hold of a handle - but don't clench - and lay your sensitive tissue on the cold plastic surface. The tech reaches with her gloved hand and grabs more tissue from your chest and brings down the top 'shelf' to form a vise like grip over your boob - says 'hold still but let me know when it gets painful' - which occurred about a minute ago. The upper paddle is cranked down the top another 3 inches. Stunned, you look down at the pancake of breast between the clear plastic paddles and find it hard to believe you are attached. However you can feel the metal of the machine digging into your rib cage and underarm. The tech says 'take a deep breath and hold' - disappears behind her radiation-free protective screen and takes the image. Thankfully the pressure of the paddles automatically releases. Free at last! You take a deep breath and sigh in relief. You are a survivor! Not so fast...

You still have to endure a 2nd matching image and another pair of compressions coming at you from the side (rumor has it these second compressions are only necessary to restore the breast to it's original shape).

Yes, it's a necessary part of health care. Ranks right up there with pap smears and blood draws in popularity. I'm sure men have their own horror stories about prostate exams. Hey guys - if you are looking for sympathy it's in the dictionary between...

In all seriousness - we joke about mammograms. I saw something that might have been prevented if treated in a timely fashion. A patient hadn't had any health exams in 14 years. She only came in because her husband was being laid off and they are losing their health insurance. A sure sign of the times but I digress. The RN discovered a lump. Examining the images it was certain to be cancerous. Even the lymphnodes under her arm are in question. The patient will no doubt lose her breast and endure months of chemo and radiation treatments. This very well could have been prevented with an annual mammogram and knowledge of the grants and financial assistance programs available to help with healthcare.

Please know I have great respect for victims of cancer and their families. I wonder if I would be able to find their strength. May God be with every one.

In Memory...

On Saturday, January 26, 2008 my stepson Michael Rex (Shaw) Slemp passed away suddenly in his home with his wife Debbie and daughter Andi at his side. He was 46 years old. Words cannot describe the void felt in our family with his death.

Rex was the oldest of 10 children - and an only child. His mother and father both remarried and had children with other spouses. Rex was adopted by his 3rd stepfather and raised with three other siblings. His dad remarried two more times and had six more children.

As the days passed after his death, his family and friends gathered at his home. Sisters and brothers from one family were introduced to sisters and brothers from another - bringing everyone together for a common loss. It was an incredible example of the sort of life Rex experienced. He watched out for everyone. He respected everyone. It sounds cliche, but Rex was an incredible human being.

I was blessed to be a part of Rex's life. I hope the legacy he has left behind will always be remembered.

Thank you Rex for setting the example in our family. You set the bar high. You have been loved by many and have loved all in return. You have lived by the example you created. You have set no boundaries and treated everyone with equal love and devotion.

Thank you for loving your three youngest siblings as much as everyone born before them--despite the fact they are the same age as your own children. Your constant strength and presence in their lives taught them respect and responsibility as well as love and devotion. You reminded them family is always number one.

Thank you Rex for always being accepting of me in your heart. We certainly are not a "Norman Rockwell Family" though I cannot imagine any other way and wouldn't change a thing. Thank you for being in my heart this week--to help remind me what family is all about. I am still waiting for you to come through the door and put your arms out for that always available bear hug.

Thank you for your support. I only hope I can provide some of the same comfort to Debbie, Adam and Andi. Thank you for always being you. I am so blessed to have not one but three roles in your life--wicked step mom, sister and friend.

We'll see you at the ocean Rex. I know you will be close! I love you. God bless you.

Holiday Rantings - Seed for Thought

It's that time of year again. Thanksgiving has come and gone. The masses have ventured out before dawn for the 'shopping experience'. I still ask myself WHY? For clarification I must let you know - I am not a shopper. I do not like crowds. And I think people in general are extremely rude to one another and should stop and listen to themselves more often.

My family believes my cynicism is a result of my employment. Let's face it - in five years I can count on one hand the number of times someone called to tell me they liked what we did or that we did a good job. Anyway...

Despite all this, I love this time of year - I really do. I think Thanksgiving is such a special day, when family and friends gather together. Our years away from family were never vacant - we filled the holidays with friends who were away from family as well. Some of their traditions have joined ours. We sit at the table together and recall fond memories and share stories - and they are with us again.

I love all the preparation for Christmas. The music, the smells, the colors and all the memories that come with each day. I love the old movies - Miracle on 34th Street, A Christmas Story (You'll shoot your eye out Ralphie), and It's a Wonderful Life. I just wish it were possible to actually spend the day with more family members. So many are miles away.

When I grew up we gathered with aunts, uncles, cousins and grandparents. Gifts were often made by hand and with love. Inquiries were made about likes and desires. The planning seemed to add to the anticipation. Everyone oo'd and ah'd over the carving, the handknit product, the sewn by hand garment, the photograph, the painting... or even the store bought addition to a special collection. The sentiment was sincere. The feeling was genuine. You knew the thought and love that went into the gift you received was meant just for you.

I have returned to making gifts over the past few years. I try to think of likes and hobbies and create a gift that will be put to use and appreciated. Outside of my immediate family they aren't well received. My nieces proudly show me how they still have something I gave them a couple of years ago. I see my own gang using their gifts. A smile always returns to my heart.

That isn't always the case. It is difficult for a sweater or a stocking cap & scarf to compare to an expensive Ipod or video game. It appears the dollar value holds a great deal of importance to some. Actions speak louder than words.

Part of the difficulty is our family. There are many quirks. We are not the Norman Rockwell version. We are the 21st Century version with a lot of ins and outs.

We have long distance relationships with family that stay in touch - if we call. I place myself in the middle because of my personal desire to have everyone together...

In the past I've reminded my husband to keep in touch, but don't do that any longer. I call my parents and my family. The rest you cannot force.. If family doesn't choose to call on holidays or birthdays, I try not to take it personal. It's just the way things have developed. We are grateful that the relationships have grown to this point.

We want our family to know they are special. We hope that our gift giving will reflect this whether or not it is store bought or expensive. With finances being what they are for so many, we hope a well thought out family gift will be enjoyed as well. We hope the gift will be enough to evoke in their own minds the thought that miles don't have to be a barrier in this day and age. We hope it is seen as encouragement for growth.

As frustrating as it all is - I return to my immediate surroundings where I make lists for baking, and candy making. I organize the Christmas card list and think of pleasantries to share with our family and friends. Instead of racing to the mall I enjoy a hot cup of tea and see the progress on my latest project (ok - so maybe a little cyber shopping too). Mall or no mall, we still want our family to know we are thinking of them and hope they will appreciate the thought and time we put into their gifts.

Stay sane, drive careful and remember to call someone and tell them you are thinking of them! That's what the holidays are all about.

Life is Grand!

Have you ever noticed that some days you are older than others? It's that reality thing. I manage to keep busy and try to stay one step ahead to avoid facing reality with too much seriousness.

However, recently I succumbed to my vanity and started wearing contacts. Mind you I've only worn my glasses routinely for the past couple of year.. i.e. it's mandatory to see what's within arms range.

My family has been saying - get contacts. Seems easy enough. While I'm not a big fan of poking one's self in the eye, and never been fond of prying the lid open, I'm getting better at it. I can actually get the contacts in my eye now in under an hour! Not kidding!

Why is it the eyelashes formerly referred to as "razor stubble" now get in the way. I've spent so much time stretching the skin tissue around my eye that I'm going to need a nip and tuck (or for me it would be more of a slash & fold).

The vision is just one of many declining activities I've faced in the past few years. I've noticed I get noisier when I walk, sit, move... used to be just the joints protesting by creaking and now it's this odd "uff" sound expelling from my mouth.

We won't even discuss the gray hair. I have given up coloring (mostly because I have no clue what my original color is any longer) and have resorted to "highlights" (which is code for I'm adding blonde to confuse the gray!).

I could go on - there are hot flashes, dry skin, removal of out-sourced body parts... crazy, huh. I no longer fret about that extra 10lbs - because they have friends (about 30 of them). I could exercise - but that would involve more energy than I care to produce. I'm quite content with my 'virtual' workout.

But these changes only define 'what' I am - not who. What I am is a gardener, photographer, wanna-be writer, beach-comber, traveler and lacrosse mom. This is who I am... nearly 48 years old, recently a grandmother, mother of three, wife to him, mother-in-law, daughter, big sister, aunt, step-mom to four, 'gramma' to ten more, 'Uncle Deb to two, sister-in-law, niece, Godmother, confidant, listener and friend. Life is grand!

He's here!

Taten Michael

Our first grandson was born last week. I am so pleased to announce he is healthy and beautiful. Though smaller than everyone anticipated, 6 lbs 19", he has reached into our hearts and stolen them.

Everyone has always said being a grandparent is a wonderful experience. It has been for many years. You see, my husband and I have six grands from his children and four adopted grandchildren - ten total. I love each and every one of them. They are all very special. They all call me "Gramma". They have other grandparents geographically and emotionally closer. We aren't as prominent in their lives as we'd hope to be.

As special as they all are - Taten is our first grandchild - the product of our marriage and one of our children. With Taten, I'm not Dad's wife. I'm not the 'other Grandma' or "also". I don't have to stand in the shadows. I am Gramma! It is a wonderful feeling. I look into his little face and think - wow! This little person will be someone to tell stories, read books, teach songs, make cookies, take walks and share secrets. He's our grandson! We are so blessed.

Feeling Melancholy

July 2001

Family is the most important thing in my life. My children, my husband, my parents, my siblings, and all of the rest. I love visiting with aunts, uncles & cousins. I miss the stories of 'days ago'. They know so much. I love family recipes. I relish family photos. I am thrilled to learn the crafts of these folks who have so much to share. I love being compared to someone in the family - it's a connection. It's who I am.

I'm no saint. My mothering skills revealed my impatience way too often. I regret this but hope it made us all stronger. I love my children and would give my life for them.

I recall the days when the three were small/young and wonder how I managed so often by myself while my husband served our country. We spent holidays apart, anniversaries separated, relocated to unfamiliar territories by ourselves. Our income was divided to support all of his family... we made the most of what we had.

When faced with a home left behind by my predeceasor we found ourselves paying back taxes, deep cleaning walls and carpets, replacing light fixtures removed and the fireplace insert. We were blessed with acreage that needed major attention to avoid code enforcement and a pool which had to be emptied, scrubbed, refilled in addition to replacing the equipment. At that point in our life it felt like two steps forward and one back. With every accomplishment we were faced with another outstanding bill left by another or an legal document breaking a previous agreement leaving us once again to pick up the pieces. And no means of contacting his children who were no longer available to him.

I flew to foreign countries with 3 small children, left my babies with women I had to trust, lived in an economy of theft & distrust where I was the foreigner, endured Hurricane Hugo AND the aftermath of living on an island with no water or electricity waiting for supplies to arrive by barge, managed chicken pox X3, flu, head lice, pneumonia, runny noses, scraped faces/knees/elbows, stitches, mended broken hearts, sold multiple houses, moved cross country, unpacked households, the list goes on. This doesn't even touch on the day to day "make my hair turn gray" car maintenance, bills to pay and no money, repairs, food disasters, dead pets, mishaps, fumigating, projectile pukes... I don't feel sorry for myself. It's the life we chose - no one forced me. It is part of what makes me who I am today. I managed - one day at a time. I smile because I survived! I am proud of myself.

In addition to my own children, I have spent the past 25 plus years trying to find a place in the hearts of my husband's older children - and their families. Family is important. Our children were raised knowing they had 2 older brothers & 2 older sisters. They were raised knowing we are ONE family. Even when the contact was minimal, there has never been a doubt about what role the older four children play in the lives of the younger three. It's never been questioned. This is what we chose and what we want to be.

Not everyone is as enthusiastic about family. They don't all see us as a family in the same manner. It's been a rollercoaster ride, believe me. Through them we are blessed with grandchildren - and while we are not a part of their family snapshots, I hope they will always know how much we love them.

Once upon a time we were able to spend more time together. We lived in an area that was convenient, or on the way, when they traveled. We looked forward to those visits every year. Often times we had more than one daughter at a time, as well as their children. It was great to be a part of their lifes. We moved some years ago. To date, their frequent travels haven't found them returning to our new home. We've traveled to their homes or crossed paths on the coast when they needed someone to watch their kids while we camped. The time with the kids was special but we missed their parents too.

My own parents and siblings are also thousands of miles away. My parents are healthy now but I worry. My sister's family is growing up way too fast. I need to figure out how to get back more often to visit and spend time with them - know them - be a part of their lifes too. I had two precious weeks with them in October. It was quality time with my folks and time on the run with my sister. I loved every second. My nieces and nephews are good about emailing and texting. I love being a part of their day. It's nice to know I'm in their thoughts.

My husband's immediate family is gone. His brother passed away followed by his mother and then his father. The family Patriarch position is supposed to be his Dad. Except his Dad is not here. Mike's brother got sick when we lived in Puerto Rico. Twice Mike had tickets to be with him and his parents, but needed notification from the Red Cross to leave his military post. Twice we got partial refunds from airlines because no one got word to the Red Cross. It breaks my heart when we hear the stories of how hard it was for his brother. I know Mike feels badly he couldn't be there for his brother or his family. Not for lack of trying. My husband's life was directed by the military. Even after he retired, we were without jobs, and drove cross country to spend time with his family. We didn't go there to live and start over because we had an offer of a place to live, until we were settled, elsewhere. You deal with the cards you are dealt.

When his mother died we were driving cross county to spend time with them again. It went from a time of family reunion to a funeral. Then the long distance care of his Dad and the accusations that we stole or took advantage. You try to do your best but if someone else has a different agenda they can mess with your emotional state very easily. Fortunately my husband was at his father's side when he passed away. Unfortunately he is alone.

There have been the normal family stirrings, too often caused by outside sources. Long periods of no communication - due to busy schedules, illness, misunderstandings or the ability to not give a darn. I don't understand it. I'm not good at that. How can people who claim to care about one another go weeks or months without responding to one another? How can you ignore inquiries about how you are doing? You certainly cannot expect someone to understand your situation, how your are feeling or what you are enduring if you don't at least give them a hint.

After our move to Idaho my brother-in-law's family grew and we reconnected. My husband was asked to be Papa to two beautiful girls who mean the world to both of us. It's such a blessing to be a family reunited. They are the pieces of the puzzle that links my husband to his brother and parents.

I once had a Navy chief who told me I wear my heart on my sleeve. Wow - what a revelation! I'm a Cancer - very family oriented. This is who I am. I try to understand - give space - be patient. It's not my forte.

In recent months, it feels like we are on a long bike trip - we've had flat tires, branches in our spokes, and sore backsides. It seems as though we get through one trial and another arises. We hug one another and remind ourselves that God never gives us more than we can handle. Despite what it feels like at the moment. And believe me - it has been a test. We stick together. We help one another. We will survive.

Life goes on. You take it one day at a time. Our own children are grown and moving on to the next stages of their lifes. We are proud of everyone. We will soon have a new generation with which to share our love. I cannot wait!

I still have this dream that some day there will be a family gathering - my husband with all of his children and grandchildren. I hope it will include his nieces and nephews and their families too because they are our family too. I hope it will include memories, stories, hugs, kisses and tears of joy. I hope I will be there to sit back, watch, smile and thank God for bringing us all together again.