It's been 24 hours...

and today I am less angry. I am disappointed. Frustrated. Saddened. And moving forward.

When our sons were in high school we met. We had a common bond. Our sons. Lacrosse. Mike and I were team managers. I taught her to keep score. She wanted to participate in hosting a team spaghetti dinner but her house was being major remodeled. I went over and helped her make it happen. We both chaperoned a trip to Vail for a lacrosse tournament. You learn a great deal about a person when you share a bedroom. We had more in common. July birthdays. Leo husbands. Both military families. We both moved often. We both were frequently single parents. We had similar appreciation for simple things. We both sewed. She taught me to knit. We visited over coffee.

Throughout all these years there has been one thing I've noticed. Conversations always ended up being about her, her problems, her pains, her troubles. I've accepted it. On some level it bothered me. I felt perhaps in her mind my concerns weren't as important.

Her husband served a year in Japan as an active duty reservist. We joked about him leaving his children home without adult supervision. Her son was changing schools. It meant trying to get his belongings to him in Moscow. We rented a trailer, helped her load and drove his belongings to Moscow the 2nd weekend of January, in a blizzard. Home repairs - she called my husband. Car trouble - she called my husband. I picked up kids from events when she was going a different direction. If I was running errands, I got what she needed. Her children called us their "self appointed alternate parents". We spent Thanksgiving together. It reminded me of years past as a military family. You find your family members are not always biological but perhaps an attachment in your heart. You do what you can to make things as normal as possible.

When her husband returned to the states he was job hunting. She was angry he wouldn't accept a job. She worried about expenses. I sympathized. We were in that place years ago. Downsized our home. Decided we'd live within our pension. I knew her frustration. I listened a lot. He was offered a job in California. She didn't want to move but it was something they didn't want to refuse. When we were asked what we thought we both told them we felt their family was more important than a job with so many digits. He would miss out on the highs and lows. He would miss many sports games from both sons and his daughter. He would miss so much in their high school years - just the day to day life things. Their decision was to live apart.

Given her behavior and moods I do not believe she's happy with their decision. She's miserable. She's down to one son at home. He finally got his driver's license. She does everything for him. He's a good athlete. She stays active with his teams. It seems the football parents are angry with her. She's been in the program for a long time and tries to push her opinion on them. The same thing happened with the lacrosse parents. The players called her son a name. She complained to the coach. She travels separately to a tournament so he can stay with her instead of his teammates. She's misunderstood. She's being thrown under the bus. It's not fair. I listened. I gave advice. I suggested she walk away. Let them run their program. Try something new. It doesn't change. If she walks away she won't get the attention she craves. I have grown so tired of the calls. It never seemed to change nor would it be about anyone else. There is one common denominator in all of her troubles.

When our family had our own difficult situation I shared with her. It wasn't something easy for me to do. Instead of being there for me, she started telling me about her friend who lives on the North End and all of her difficulties. Her North End friend has a daughter at Duke. The North End friend doesn't care for me. I'm thinking a drug addict son trumps the daughter at Duke when you are flaunting how special you are. The first two weeks of our drama, she didn't call not once. She didn't stop by. She didn't even send an email. On the other hand, my dear friend in Georgia emailed, texted AND called me every single day and then weekly for a long time until things were settled. We learned a great deal about who cared.

Her daughter spent a year going to school in Washington DC. It was a year preparing for the Naval Academy. She got in this year. This is a big deal. We are all very proud of her. Her mom is living vicariously through her daughter's accomplishments. If I had a dime for every time I've heard "I should have gone in the Coast Guard". Instead I hear about her husband the Naval Academy graduate or her brothers who all graduated and taught at the Academy. She loves to be a name dropper - my friend Admiral so and so.

Since we were a military family - and my husband retired after 28 years - we are just a bit familiar with the way things are done. She loves the fact her husband was promoted in the Reserves to the rank of Lt Colonel. When this happened we too were happy for them. She was constantly reminding me her husband was a Lt Colonel. She signed her emails as Mrs. O-5. I took my cheap shot. I'm not proud. But I'd had enough. I responded to an email as Mrs. O-6. You see, my husband retired as a Navy Captain - senior to her husband's rank.

After a parents weekend at the Academy our son's godfather, also a Naval Academy graduate, called us. They had been at Annapolis for Parent's weekend as their daughter is also at the Academy. When they met other parents, they discovered we were a common link. When he called us and said "what's with her?", my response was "what has she done now?". She was at a coffee for the Academy Commandant. Standing right in the middle of the circle surrounding him. She took a personal cell call, wanted to make sure her caller knew where she was and what she was doing. It's a common theme.

Last month, at the only UI lacrosse game she's attended, she answered her phone. After a loud discussion with her son on the phone, she proceeded to tell anyone who would listen she was speaking with her oldest child, who graduated from Princeton and is living in China and Mom is planning and paying for his entire wedding in July. The crowd of Vandal parents within earshot looked up from the game for a second, shook their heads and returned to the reason we were there - watching our sons play lacrosse.

When we returned from our trip to Southern California she called to ask a favor. During this call I shared our son and his wife were trying to buy a home for themselves. We are all very excited about their new adventure. It's a short sale with a price approved by the bank. The house is 1300 sq. ft and 4 bedrooms. When my friend heard this she guffawed her trademark loud laugh and said 4 bedrooms - what are they, closets? I felt my ire immediately raise as I wanted to defend my children. I told her they were smaller rooms. 10x10 in fact. We have two in our own 4 bedroom house the same size. I think she sensed I wasn't happy with her comment.

Mike and I have been actively supporting the Vandal lacrosse team in many ways. One of the coaches designed a logo for the team. It represents the Indian origin, the University and the team growth since 2004. We got permission to have it made into patches for the players as a gift from us. This is Krieg's final year. We wanted to do something for the team. When the team was making plans for their travels to Southern California we were concerned about their travel plans. We convinced the coaches to accept a gift of hotel rooms from us allowing an extra night on the road for a safer drive. It gave us peace of mind. One of the things our newly founded Booster program asked for was parent or business donations. Mike and I aren't wealthy but we believe in paying forward. We could gladly give up a breakfast or dinner out if it meant the lacrosse team would have an opportunity to travel to a game. When news of the need for additional money to help the team (who support themselves) we gave. My friend shared they planned to give later. After taxes. She wanted me to know how much they thought they would give. Everyone has their own budget, their own means. Some toot their own horn louder than others. Ours was a silent gesture passed off to a coach after a game. She is still telling me they are going to give. Enough already either put up or shut up.

While at work yesterday I received an email from my friend. She'd received a Parent Booster email telling of the plans to have a Tailgate party prior to the game during Mom's weekend. They will play rival BSU. It was shared that I offered to organize the tailgate. She wrote me and said "if you are planning the tailgate, should we all plan to bring a sack lunch?" I tried in vain to read this in a positive light. I chose to ignore it and instead responded that we were heading up on Friday with my parents, who are flying in from Wisconsin for our son's last game. I told her we were staying with our sons who live together.

The boys live together in a "condo" purchased by my friend's husband and her son. The boys pay rent. It's her son, our son and one other. Her response to the news we were staying with the boys was to ask if I was going to have my parents sleep on the floor. I let her know we spoke with all 3 boys back in February and asked if they minded if we stayed with them. Our son wants to give up his bed for his grandparents. We figured we could do an air mattress in the large living room.

The next email from her informed me she too was coming up, probably Saturday morning before the game with her youngest son. She let me know she's offered another set of parents a place in the condo too. The 3rd roommate's mom has stayed their in the past and we should probably learn what her plans were going to be. It seemed to her there was a problem and we needed to chat - about MY plans.

I dreaded her phone call after work. I was angry but knew we needed to "chat". I prepared myself to hold my tongue. The boys pay rent. They were informed of our plans and ok'd it. We didn't have a problem with staying there,with everyone. We figured the 3rd mom would be there. She stays in her son's room. We planned to use our son's room and some space in the living room. I figured our friend would be there and she could use her son's room. It's a large 3 bedroom 2 bath 1500 sq. ft apartment. Why was this all going to be a problem?

Well I never got a phone call. Instead I was CC'd on an email to our sons informing them she was coming up and planning to stay in HER condo with HER sons. The 3rd roommate's mom would have her place to stay as well. She supposed she would have to renege on her invitation to the other parents and everyone else will just have to work out their own arrangements. She recommended the boys communicate better with one another. Hello! They do talk. They all knew what was going on. She's the one who pushed her way into the arrangements and has a problem. Why? It would have worked out just fine. I get she's the owner. Though in any other landlord situation it's unlikely the landlord would inform the tenants they were spending the night. In this situation I get it. We parents have always stayed there. Good to know where you stand I suppose.

I was physically shaking. Now I'm frustrated. After all we've done for her and her family and she couldn't even step up to the plate and speak to us in person or by phone to explain why our staying there with my parents is a concern for that matter. She has to fire off an email with her demands.

Needless to say I will not put my parents in that situation. Our son really wants them to stay with him. He says "let it be and see what happens". We've made other arrangements but unfortunately we'll be staying 23 miles away in another town. Unfortunately it's Mom's Weekend. No room at the Inns. I'm tired of her self centered insecurities. I'm so tired of being frustrated over our one way friendship. I'm just done.

I apologized to our son. He and her son are good friends and in the middle of this all. It's not their fault though at times I wish someone would use their spine. They are both so easy going. For the first time our son actually told me he understood what I was feeling after he read her email. He felt she came across a bit high handed. No comment.

It all sounds so petty. It sounds bitchy. I hate that I have these feelings. How much is one person expected to endure. I realize I have many good friends. Over the years there haven' t always been 'next door' friends. These same friends have been very supportive of me. Helping me to realize that friends don't put you down. They don't criticize you or your family. They love and support you. I've been reminded I AM a good friend.

This isn't my normal type of postings. I've tried, unsuccessfully, to keep it from being a long winded rant. I needed to vent. I needed to remind myself that yes I have been a good friend. I've been supportive. I've been there when I was needed. I don't feel like a good person. I feel like I've done something wrong.

I'm saddened. I feel let down. It's a loss.

Moscow Weekend...

Once again we hit the road this weekend, with a late start Saturday morning. The Vandals were playing lacrosse in Missoula, MT on Saturday. We opted to skip this trip as we didn't want to drive the mountain pass thru snow again - been there done that.

Throughout our drive north we received texts from parents who made the trip from Northern Idaho to Montana, advising us of current game updates. The team was behind by two - the team scored - they scored again - Krieg had a picture perfect goal - Krieg had another goal - and the final score - Vandals win and Krieg had an amazing game... Dang!

We arrived in Moscow early enough to spend some time with Erin and her roommates, Chris2 (that's Chris squared as there are two of them). We went to a UI Women's hockey game, coached by Chris. Definitely not as rough and tumble as lacrosse but those ladies got into their game. It was fun to take a few pictures of them and post them on Facebook. They were as appreciative to see the pictures as the lacrosse players.

After hockey we met up with our wandering lacrosse players, Krieg and our "self appointed alternate son" Eric (Krieg's roommate), at the Alehouse for dinner. I was informed (with a wink and a smile) by Krieg, that he plays very well without Mom on the sidelines... he sure knows how to push my buttons. It was fun to sit and visit with the boys as well as Erin and Chris. Several of their friends dropped by to say hey too.

Sunday morning we headed for the Sprinturf next to the Kibbie Dome. The Vandals were hosting Gonzaga Bulldogs.

Yes, I have my favorite player(s). I take pictures throughout the game and share them with the team on Facebook. It makes me smile when I see them acknowledging their pictures. They "tag" themselves and then it's on their page to share with their own friends. Sometimes it's mere seconds from my uploading the pictures to the first acknowledgement.

This is a very special team of young men. They just seem to have made a connection with one another. It's a tight bond. You can't help but be proud of every one of them.

Though the game wasn't pretty, the Vandals got the win. The referees, perhaps not as professional as some we've had before, made lots of calls for penalties. The crowd didn't always agree. Thus the reason I take pictures down on the sidelines instead of sitting with my very loud daughter and vocal husband. It's all good...

Once the game was over, we headed back for Boise. It's always bittersweet leaving our kids behind.

This coming weekend we are staying home. We are trading in our lacrosse gear for birthday hats to celebrate Taten's 3rd birthday. His party was pushed from Saturday to a family event on Sunday. I scrambled to check airfare for a flight to Seattle so not to miss the Vandal game vs the Husky's... but at $300 for a 3 hour game, reality won. Birthday cake wins again!

Spring Break

16 game updates texted to long distance fans.
15 meals eaten on the road.
14 hours the team traveled on Saturday heading home.
13 I D A H O Idaho Idaho Go Go Go - cheered on the sidelines
12 times I wished Matt, Brit, Erin and Taten were with us.
11 family friends visited.
10 nights.
9 days of sunshine.
8 gas stops.
7 hours spent with Krieg.
6 family members visited.
5 nites with the Willis'.
4 trips to the Fitness Center.
3 amazing Vandal lacrosse games.
2 Naval Bases.
1 Earthquake.
2,618 miles from start to finish.
Unmeasuable amount of fun, laughs and memories created.

Productivity and Planning...

It was a productive weekend in our household. Our only weekend home this month.

Our monthly weigh in wasn't as successful as we wanted but given we've been on the road, and sick with various stages of the crud for over a month, we weren't surprised. The scale still dropped but not as much as I'd like. Just reinforces my return to my workout routine!

Mike made major progress moving items from our very cluttered, cozy, two car garage into his large, empty shop in the back yard. We took down some questionable shelves - just barely attached to the garage wall - and moved camping gear, storage items and yard supplies to a pair of very sturdy shelving units. Mike even took a load of saved wine bottles to the recycle bin. He kept what he needs for bottling the next two batches he is creating and the rest are gon-zo.

I worked my way around the yard with a rake and leaf bags. Our flower beds are clear of winter leaves and twigs and the grass shows encouraging signs of life. My shoulders are protesting a bit this week but it was so worth the effort. Now I can start picking my way around the flower beds pulling a few weeds.

We also managed a major clearing of dust bunnies, spills and grime from inside the house. Apparently our maid has taken on new clients and left us in the 'dust'... (just kidding - I would be the sort of person who would clean for the cleaning lady arrival.)

We started our list for our short week at home. I work all four days and Mike has a list of errands and chores to keep him out of trouble at home. Thursday he will pick me up after work and we will head south for Reno. Friday we will find ourselves in Lemoore, CA. We haven't been back since Erin was a baby. Sunday we will head f0r the San Diego area, meet up with Tonya, Dan and family for a week of vacation together, visit with our grandson Adam and his wife Alexis and see three lacrosse games. The University of Idaho boys are heading south this coming weekend too - to play Claremont McKenna College on Monday, SDSU on Wednesday night and UCSD on Friday night.

We are very excited to have this opportunity to return to California, visit with family and many friends AND watch our favorite Vandal team!

Peeesah and a Movie...

When our gang was much younger a favorite Saturday night dinner was making homemade pizzas. We made our dough, chopped up all of our favorite ingredients, and made our individual oddly shaped pizzas.

Taten loves pizza. When pizza commercials come on TV, Tate comes running into the room yelling "Peeeesah". When he's asked what he wants to eat, his answer... "peeesah".

It only seemed natural to have our own pizza and movie night. We watched "Where the Wild Things Are". I was surprised at how Taten followed the movie, laughing when the character joked and played.

I think it went very well.

Weekend in Portland...

This weekend found us on the road again - que sorpresa!

After an incredible series of odd events my work day was over, the car loaded, Matt finished and we headed west for Portland with Matt, Brit and Taten.

The road was "dry and dusty" - the trip uneventful. We tracked progress with the boy's team, as well as Erin and Chris, making the trip from Northern Idaho. Our only hiccup occurred about 50 miles from Portland when we drove through pounding rain and standing water on the road.

We arrived about 10:30pm local time and settled in quickly. The boys were hosted by two of the team's Portland families. Thank you Harringtons and Ballards. You are truly all stars. Erin and Chris stayed closer to downtown and met up with friends.

Saturday morning arrived sunshine, beautiful temperatures and news of a Tsunami advisory for the Oregon Coast. Honestly, it seems adventure follows us wherever we go!

We met up with our Oregon family in Gresham for breakfast before going our separate ways. Erin, Chris and friends went to the Portland Zoo. We were joined by Jorgan and Savannah on a trip to Tillamook. We have never been and wanted to try something different.

The drive over was so pretty. There wasn't much activity in the cheese factory but we enjoyed looking around and had fun together. Besides - there was ice cream at the end! Who can say no to ice cream?

The kids returned to Portland with the little ones for an evening of swimming at the hotel. Mike and I headed to Corvallis for the lacrosse game at Oregon State University.

Corvallis has interesting road signage - At least not what we are accustomed to seeing. Perhaps Oregonians are just more insightful or better prepared. The signs to make the turn are AT the turn - no warning. Between the signage and my squeaky navigator voice, we made a few trips through town and around campus despite our maps instructions and GPS.


The Vandals had a nice sized cheering section - over 30 family and friends out to support them at the game played in the stadium under the lights. Erin and Chris arrived and we even tried to convert Brandy and her son TJ. Very exciting game. The team stayed close - within two goals - and outscored the Beavers in the 3rd quarter though still behind.

The fourth quarter went back and forth. I noticed the Oregon coach behaving very agitated. We were sitting behind the score table and asked what was the score. It was 10-9 OSU over Vandals. There were just minutes left in the game and the Idaho boys put one in the goal to tie it up. Game time ran out and we went into overtime.

It was a big deal for this team. They've come a long way. Vandals really have an amazing combination of talent and ambition this year. Oregon State has twice as many players (fresh legs during the game) and have beat Idaho soundly in previous years.

The ball went up and down the field a few times but wound up in the crease, unfortunately - a game winning goal for the Beavers 11-10. Our boys were heartbroken. It was clear they wanted this game. They truly gave it everything they had and this Momma Bear just wanted to make it better. I've never seen Krieg emotional after a loss until now.

We arrived back to Portland about 11pm. The kids had Taten tucked into bed. He tired himself out with Savannah in the pool.

Sunday morning Tate woke with a full blown case of Croup. He felt great. No fever. They dosed him up with cough meds and Tylenol. He talked non-stop of seeing his "Tio" and Ah-Boo (Auntie Boo). We forged on with our plans to attend the lacrosse game at Portland State where we were joined by the Oregon Shaw's. We were a cheering section of 18 total - just for Krieg! With the rest of the traveling crowd, Vandals definitely had some noise!

It wasn't our weekend for maps or directions. Portland State campus is DOWNTOWN. The field we were to find was hidden between a square of buildings - surrounded by construction. Cars park downtown in parking spots which appear to be a lane of traffic stopped at a light. Yes, we sat more than once behind an empty parked car... and despite our efforts, we still ended up with a parking ticket (though anything short of having my car booted would have been doable at that point)!

The Ore-Ida Shaw Cheering Section with Krieg

Game temperatures were in the 60's and the sun was warm. The Vandals played great. They stayed in control for most of the time, though allowed PSU a few goals narrowing the gap, but a victory was in the air for Idaho with a 9-8 win over Portland State.

Once back in the car, Tate was struggling. We stopped at an Urgent Care to have him checked. Sure didn't want to be out in the middle of nowhere with him having trouble breathing. We left with a diagnosis of Croup and Bronchitis and RX to fix him up. The lungs were still clear.

I honestly think the congestion we were all experiencing had as much to do with the local foliage being in bloom as the crud we have shared in our household. Our sudden increase in symptoms seemed a bit coincidental with our arrival. However, the flowering trees and daffodils were gorgeous!

Our 2am arrival back in Boise was welcoming. Even more grateful to know I didn't have to work Monday and a nap was on my "to do" list.

We we went went to to Walla Walla...

This weekend was the season opener for University of Idaho Men's Lacrosse! Saturday morning we loaded up the car and headed west in snowflakes and sunshine. A mere 4-1/2 hours later we were pulling into Walla Walla and walking across the grassy field to the first game of Krieg's last year of lacrosse. Whoa. I said that didn't I?

The Vandals played a great game at Whitman College. Whitman may have come out a tad too comfortable as they played in the finals last year and UI is considered a small scale team. With the exception of a brief struggle in the 3rd quarter, allowing Whitman to get 4 of their 5 goals, the Vandals dominated.

It was apparent during the Fall games this team is a united front. They run, they think, they play lacrosse. They want this to be a season to remember - and I have absolutely NO DOUBT that it will.

Of course, I sound like a completely proud, very biased parent. Heck! Guilty as charged. I've seen the way Krieg has grown with lacrosse, ever since our first visit to Idaho and his first sighting of lacrosse player.

We witnessed a very distressed Whitman coaching staff, several questionable calls late in the game - just a bit extreme. Crazy penalties. Four Vandals in the penalty box and UI still stole the ball and made a run on the goal as time ran out. The Vandals beat Whitman College 15-5.

After the game we followed the caravan 2-1/2 hours back to Moscow, did some quick grocery shopping while the guys cleaned up, made dinner and watched the Olympics with some of our favorite people.

We spent the night with Erin and her roomies. My first visit this year to her new place. It's so nice to see she finally lives in a nice place - and we don't have to fret about her safety.

After breakfast out with the kids we had a pleasant uneventful 5-1/2 hour trip back to Boise - to prepare for week #2!

I-D-A-H-O... Idaho Idaho Go Go Go!